Sunday, May 28, 2006

Boyds are choyping

Oh MAN is it a beautiful day! Sunny, clear, breezy, gorgeous! I woke up this morning feeling hungover and allergic, since last night I crawled home at 4 and had to get up for work this morning, but as soon as I stepped outside, I felt 1000% percent better because it is a gorgeous day.

Unfortunately, since I have to work today, I am missing out on San Francisco's Carnaval celebrations, but perhaps that is for the best. Let us not forget the unfortunate REAL Carnaval experience that will probably haunt me for the rest of my days.

You know what, this day is so great that not even the ubercreepy man in Subway who accosted me when I was buying my $2.49 six-inch roasted chicken sub could dampen my spirits. I was standing there, psyching myself up for my chicken sandwich, when the individual in front of me in line -- mid-50s, wearing a bad wig and a loud Hawaiian shirt -- turned around, looked at me, and said, "There she is!" I looked at him, smiling blankly, and then he said, "There's my wife!" I turned around to see what unfortunate woman would marry a man with such bad (fake) hair, and saw no one. Weirdo said, "You! I'm talking about YOU! So how 'bout marrying me?"

At this point, I noticed that Weirdo was with a Mexican kid (OBVIOUSLY not his son) who looked to be about 12, and was buying him a tuna sub. I couldn't even begin to speculate on why this child's mother would let him go out eating tuna subs with Wig Man, but I guess that is none of my business. Anyway, the kid was looking at me expectantly, waiting to see if I would accept the marriage proposal from Weirdo, but I said nothing. Undeterred, Weirdo went on to ask me where I worked, whether he could call me some time, whether I ran in Bay to Breakers, and if I wanted to see a picture of him in a wolf mask. Before I could object, he had whipped out his camera and was showing me a picture of him (in the wolf mask, as promised), a naked lady at Bay to Breakers with a "no more Bush" sign (EW), and a picture of Weirdo (still in wolf mask) with a lady in a bunny suit.

He explained: "I met this nice lady at Bay to Breakers, she was dressed as a bunny, and I said to her, 'call me sometime because I want you to be my bunny.' She never called me, so, but, you know. No big deal."

I was still reeling from the naked lady picture, and thus had no response to the sad bunny story.

Our uncomfortable interaction lasted for the rest of the time it took the Subway lady to make my sandwich. In that time period, Weirdo explained that he works at the Post Hotel ("I call it the Post Hilton"), asked whether people from "out of the county" (not country, county) could stay at international backpacking hostels, and, before we parted, told me to "stay happy." Oh, San Francisco.

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