Thursday, September 18, 2008

Gwyneth Paltrow seems awful

I have always thought that Gwyneth Paltrow seemed like a vile human being,* just based on some deep, gut instinct. She just exudes ickiness. She is thin and pinched and pale and haughty and plays bitchy, aloof characters, and I have heard from someone whose cousin went to high school with her that she was an insufferable wretch. I mean, that's enough cold hard fact for me to go on in reaching my conclusion that she is probably a horrible person. I'd even be willing to bet that GP is even meaner than Madonna, and that is saying something. Madonna!

My instincts about Gwynnie were confirmed yesterday as I was watching Oprah (I can't help myself!) and GP was on the show with the famous New York chef Mario Batali. Apparently GP went on a "culinary road trip" with Batali across Spain, pretending to eat solid foods for a few weeks while constantly flinching at the sight of jamon serrano (she's macrobiotic, y'all!). She and Mario came on Oprah to hype their new PBS show and cook paella. At the end of the show, as Oprah was hawking their new book, which was most likely written 100% by Mario Batali or his ghostwriter, Oprah failed to mention GP as a co-author ("with Gwyneth Paltrow"). Noticing the omission, Batali added, "I wrote this with Gwyneth!" And Oprah, looking slightly flustered, said, "Oh, yes," and emphasized GP's role in the book. Gwyneth, who was smiling icily throughout the exchange, said, "Yeah, um, we did it together. But that's okay." In other words, GP had to make it clear, in the last three seconds of the show, that she was pissed, and that she deserved recognition for some stupid cookbook she probably had no hand in writing. Oprah looked like someone had pissed in her Cornflakes as her show ended and the local news at 5 started to roll... "But that's okay."

The whole thing is ridiculous. Really, is the knowledge that Gwyneth Paltrow was a co-author of a book involving FOOD going to make anyone want to buy it more? Maybe the twenty subscribers of "Cooking with Kelp Monthly" would be inspired to purchase the cookbook knowing that Paltrow had a bony hand in its creation, but for me, it's a turnoff. I actually think less of Mario Batali now, knowing that he's friends with Gwyneth. Sorry, Mario. Pick better celebrity friends and we'll talk.

*But, I will always love her classic performance as Margot Tenenbaum, I guess.