I'm over the whole bar exam thing. Okay, wait, I was never under it, but now I'm super over it. But you know what I'm even more over? All the bar exam hysteria and ridiculousness that is going on around me, mostly via facebook and twitter. It took me a while to get to this point of being fed up to HERE with everyone's bitching, including my own, but I got here, and this is how it happened.
As you know, my entire summer (since May 18) has been completely consumed by bar studying. Sure, I've had time to have a dinner party, go to Pennsylvania, see a few movies, drink some wine, and walk the dog, but really, there hasn't been a lot of fun going on. I spent 4th of July by myself, in my pajamas, cursing the people who were out rabble-rousing. "Why can't I be out rousing rabble?" I whined. Except there was no one there to hear me, and that made me feel even more pitiful.
Making matters worse was that until yesterday, I hadn't taken a full day off from studying, because our Barbri class has us on a strict schedule of "reviewing," essay writing, and flashcard making. It's quite intense, and I was afraid to veer from it, lest the Barbri gods smite me for eternity. Anyway, up until perhaps yesterday, my attitude about bar studying was one of utter and complete misery. I had never hated studying for anything as much in my life, I was bad at it, I felt destined to fail the bar, and I was jealous of everyone else in the world, even those who live in stinking slums and/or leper colonies, because everyone else seemed to have it easier than me. You can imagine what a joy I was to be around.
And then, something snapped. Don't worry, there was no permanent physical damage. No, it was more of an internal, mental snapping, and it started when I went out to dinner and drinks with one of my friends from college, Bianca. Long story short, we drank an utterly excessive amount of wine and then went to a bar and danced around like eejits on an empty dance floor, while I took frequent breaks to request about 35 songs from the DJ (none of which he had). When I got home from my night out, I was in a fantastic mood; I felt free as a bird and didn't give a CRAP about bar studying. Part of that was probably attributable to the drunkenness. But still.
The next day, I woke up to what can only be described as a monstrous hangover: the kind of hangover where it hurts to lift your head up off the pillow, and the world seems dizzy and quaky and gray. Oh, it was awful. But you know what? I was still in a great mood, because somehow, my night of getting blitzed with my friend had given me some important perspective on this whole bar thing. I decided to take the day off from studying, since my hangover was so oppressively bad I couldn't focus on anything more complicated than putting on pants (and even that was a struggle). Instead, I went for a walk with my mom around Golden Gate Park, baked banana bread with my dad, watched Real Housewives of New Jersey, and read a non-law-related book. Heaven!
That one day off gave me a fresh lease on bar studying. I realized that there are 18 days until the bar exam, which isn't too bad, really, and that all I need to do for the next 18 days is study, but not punish myself, and keep on top of my assignments and I'll be fine. I'm not going to fail (knock on wood), and I'm not going to hate my life in the interim, either.
So, I took a six-hour practice test today, and as soon as I was done, went on facebook to see what the world was up to in my absence. I'd say about 80% of my friends who just graduated law school had facebook statuses that involved bitching about how much Barbri sucks, how far behind they are with studying, how much they HATE studying, how they are giving up partying for the next two weeks "FOR REAL," etc. Okay, I get it. I do. I mean, just two blog posts ago, I too was bitching about Barbri as much as the next girl. But you know what? We have less than three weeks to go, and in the great scheme of things, studying for the bar is not the worst thing you could be forced to do. As Kenneth Parcell once wisely said, "My mother always told me that, even when things seem bad, there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee, or getting a splinter, or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon."
So true, Kenneth. So true.
Whether you're studying for the bar or just living life, you should appreciate the fact that you're not in someone's basement being forced to put lotion on your skin. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be FINE.
Also, I reserve the right to take all of this back if I fail the bar. But let's cross that bridge when we come to it.