Monday, May 15, 2006

Birmingham Heiresses.... sigh

Today at the gym I watched two shows on MTV that truly make me fear for the future -- since I have been told that the Children are our Future -- "Tiara Girls" and "My Super Sweet Sixteen." I had seen Sweet Sixteen before; basically, it's a show about unfathomably spoiled children whose parents give into their every whim and throw them huge, extravagent, mind-blowingly expensive birthday parties which always involve the following things:
  1. a costume change
  2. the unveiling of a crazily expensive car (usually after the parent pretended that the birthday boy/girl was going to get stuck with some other, slightly uglier, really- expensive-but-not-expensive-enough car instead of the child's Dream Car)
  3. a performance by a B-list celebrity
  4. the child saying "This is unacceptable" to a person at least 20 years older than him/her
  5. invitations that cost more than my Harvard law education
  6. meltdowns
Anyway, today's episode involved a girl from -- wait for it -- Birmingham, Michigan, my lovely hometown, who is an "heiress in training" and is trying to start the catchphrase "that's juicy," since Paris Hilton already claimed "that's hot." Not kidding. If you don't believe me, see for yourself:

So, this ridiculous girl decided to have her "super" sweet sixteen bash at the Birmingham Community House. Um, not to hate, but that is where I took driver's ed classes -- doesn't this girl know that other kids on Sweet Sixteen have had their parties at Jay Z's club and P. Diddy's pool and Kayne West's kitchen? I mean, the Community House is fine for Seaholm High School senior night -- the highlight of which was the group hypnotist that the PTA hired -- but for a SUPER sweet sixteen? Come ON.

The other show I saw, Tiara Girls, was about young girls who compete in beauty pagaents and say things like, "I came here to win, and I am not leaving without the crown," and then lose. The girl featured today was ALSO from Southeast Michigan, and lost miserably in her pagaent (surprise surprise). She and her mom both bawled and apologized to each other for letting each other down. Her mother said, "I should have pushed you harder." Did I mention the mother encouraged her sixteen year old daughter to get liposuction before the pagaent? Sigh.

I can't decide what worries me more about American society today: the fact that there are people riding the Greyhound bus who try to push disabled men out of the way so they can get on the bus faster, or the fact that there are completely untalented, borderline-retarded teenagers who think they are entitled to a gala ball because they happened to make it to their sixteenth birthday. Ponder and get back to me.


  1. Anonymous3:53 PM

    I'm a bit concerned about the viewing audience of these atrocities...?

  2. Anonymous4:46 PM

    Hey, no way, I'M an heiress in training too! That's juicy.